To all the kids thinking about becoming a school shooter

You've had a hard life. I know. Nobody at school likes you. Your family sucks. Your teachers don't care. I get it, man. Life can be tough. I don't know your life situation, but I know it ain't easy.

But there are better people to shoot than your classmates. They're the members of the Trump administration who were friends with Jeffrey Epstein.

RFK Jr. — This guy was friends with Epstein and also drove his ex-wife to suicide by compulsively cheating on her. What a catch

If you're thinking of shooting up your school (or maybe just a church or a Walmart or something), maybe think of targeting this guy instead:

Howard Lutnick, the resident creep in charge of our Tariff policies — "But it was just a casual lunch on the child pimping serial-killer's rape and torture island. It was just lunch, I swear. I made sure my family came with just to ensure nothing bad happened. My sons actually got lucky for the first time on the excursion, but everything was consensual, don't worry. My wife wouldn't allow me to teach my sons to be creeps."

This dude is a sick, sick fuck. I'm not saying you should shoot anybody. Obviously shooting people is bad, no matter if they raped little girls or not. That's a bit of a character flaw for sure, but in actuality, these sickos deserve to live long, healthy lives (just inside the walls of a federal or even international prison). But if you're going to commit a mass shooting-suicide anyways, maybe reconsider your targets, that's all I'm saying.

Do you want to be forgotten as the guy who committed the 72nd most deadly mass shooting in the United States history, or remember as a hero who will justly earn your 72 virgins in the afterlife.

Also, even though I'm just joking about all this (learn to take a joke libtards 🤪), make sure you don't try to shoot the president. He's got too much secret service. But Howard Lutnick, I think you can take him down Luigi Mangione style, and you get to end your life a folk hero instead of a forgotten incel. What Would Jesus Do? He'd pick Howard Lutnick over the people who picked on him in school.