The Good News According to Jacob

On Teetotalism - or Don and Jeffrey's Shared Vice

2 min read
Don and Jeffrey looking like a couple of close buddies
All images fair use for satire/commentary

"Since when is teetotalism a vice?"

"Isn't that the opposite of a vice?"

According to the Oxford dictionary definition, a teetotaler is "a person who never drinks alcohol".

Don and Jeffrey aren't (and weren't respectfully) just teetotalers, but they are (and were) completely straight-edge (as in no drugs ever not even once).

Our straight-edge commander-in-chief. What a legend. I've heard the Donald might pop an addy nowadays, though, so it seems satan's drugs might even have seduced God's chosen warrior, sadly.

If you're currently thinking "what's so wrong with abstaining from drugs? isn't that what the cool kids are doing nowadays?", first off no fucking way. No they're getting high and fucking around like they always have. You actually think the cool kids are the ones abstaining from drugs? If you actually had those thoughts, I pray to god you're mormon or some shit. Because otherwise, you might be a sicko, too.

I will give you that on its face, there is nothing inherently wrong with sobriety.

The real issue is both men, like many weirdos who consciously decide to completely abstain from drinking and all other drugs, had a much worse vice, or as Trump would refer to it in his birthday letter to Epstein, a shared "wonderful secret".

Trump's Birthday letter to epstein
Who among has hasn't written a personal birthday letter to one of the most notorious child-raping serial-killers of all time? May he without sin cast the first stone

And that "wonderful secret" is only wonderful if you're a satanic, nihilistic sadist. Otherwise, it would make you puke.

Never trust grown adults who completely abstain from all substances at all times. For as a wise Buddhist scholar once said, "moderation in all things, including moderation."

People who feel the need to be "in control" through staying 100% sober at all times always have something to hide. The only acceptable reason for sobriety is being in recovery for addiction, which you generally fell into as a coping mechanism for unhealed abuse. If you decided you're never going to use drugs "just because", I'm going to assume you're a sicko. Because you are. Prove me wrong (just not Charlie Kirk style).